If you were my friend or client, I would feel you out before I went ahead and truth bombed you like this. The fact is most of my tribe, in any capacity loves some tough love. Some iron sharpens iron. So, let’s just assume you’re already #myvibemytribe. Here’s your truth bomb:
You can whine about it or you can work on it.
You see, there’s a lot of victimhood to go around. Or even just general whining. But that doesn’t help a situation. In fact, it tends to make it worse. It keeps you dwelling on what’s wrong, on the negative.
Instead, here’s what we can do: work on it. So, think about what your problem is currently. Maybe it’s fitness, maybe it’s a misbehaving kid, maybe it’s stress and yelling at dinner time, maybe it’s never ending laundry.
Now, get out a piece of paper and get ready to write down two lists. We’ll call these lists “What I can control” and “Actions.”
The truth is you’ll never be able to fix the problem by whining. What’s more, if someone else is involved, you can’t control their behavior or force them to change.
Which brings us back to your list: “What I Can Control.”
You have a lot more power than you think.
So, fitness. What can you control? What you eat and how much you move are examples. So your actions might be this week you will not snack at night and you’ll walk everyday for 30 minutes.
Misbehaving kiddo? What can you actually control? How you respond and leading by example. Your actions might be to set a specific discipline you will use every time calmly and without yelling or getting really upset. You might also purposefully, specifically reinforce any ounce of positive behavior. You might also make sure you’re leading loudly in the area.
At dinner time, what can you control? You, your plans and your reactions. You can create positive triggers (clean kitchen, meals planned, hugs when everyone gets home) and routines at dinner time so there is less stress.
There are very often things you can do to change a situation. It does require big girl panties, sure. But I think it’s empowering to know we aren’t out of options except whining. No, we can choose to take action. We are powerful.
The trick here is to let go of what you can’t control. And certainly to stop whining about it. Instead, focus that energy on what you actually can do and let the rest go.
Now, in relationships you certainly can’t nag or criticize a person into changing. That tends to make heels dig in deeper. Sometimes there are relationship situations and other situations in life where it seems like the things you can control are limited or even nonexistent.
Stay tuned because that’ll be the subject of Friday’s post!